Much to my dismay, in the past 2 years of city life, I have become a certified pedestrian. I walk everywhere. EVERYwhere. Work, friends’ houses, bars (don’t tell my parents) etc. etc. I’ve even walked to and from Johnnie’s in Charlestown hauling groceries. I hate it. Walking sucks and it’s boring. The only thing that saves me is my Ipod. (Imagine the fury that comes with a dead battery…) Regardless, I walk.
That being said, my experience has led me to want to share with you my suggested Rules of Walking. (Most) People try to be a good citizen. I think that involves being a good pedestrian.
1. Meandering
Okay, so let me be Marc Summers for a minute. What Would You Do if one evening you were walking down the sidewalk of a busy, bustling neighborhood with your significant other…no particular destination, just sort of “taking it all in.” He or she is walking next to you and reaches for your hand. You start walking slowly down the street, deciding which restaurant you want to eat at, thinking about how much you love ____ and can’t believe that this Tuesday marks the ___ anniversary of the day you first _____. (Get your heads out of the gutter) Now, the street is BUSY. There’s even a good amount of construction going on which causes you to encounter occasional scaffolding. Do you a.) continue down your personal Lovers’ Lane while people try to shuffle, weave and dodge around you? or do you b.) abandon your interlocked fingers and slide either in front of or behind your loved one to allow for traffic to flow freely? You know where I’m going with this, so let’s move on.
2. Burn About Reading.
I’m going to get kind of serious on this one. Here’s something you absolutely should never do. I’ve seen it done more than once, if you can believe it. In the middle of after-work, steady, I-gotta-make-my-train-or-Billy’s-going-to-miss-hockey-practice pedestrian traffic, is the person READING A BOOK while walking. Are you kidding? So you’re walking along, head completely down, unable to maintain any sort of straight-line footsteps because you can’t wait to read until you get to the train station, or home, or stop at Starbucks? No excuse. Plus, chances are you’re probably going to crash into the hockey dad, his briefcase then goes flying and the poor guy misses his train. Trust me, I know it’s almost impossible to effectively read anything located below shoulder level for more than a few seconds. I’ve tried…I looked like I was drunk. It really cannot be done. Try it.
3. Red Rover, Red Rover 
I think many people can relate to this one. You’re walking along, usually alone, when suddenly you look up and see it…like a scene from Braveheart…4-5 people, all friends, all talking/laughing/carrying on, in a perfectly straight line across. A fortress. Doesn’t look like they’ll be making any sort of moves or clearing a path, so you’re forced to do a Mission Impossible slide to the end of the line, make yourself as skinny as possible, and hope you dont hit them, the scaffolding, or a snow bank. Hey, I guess it helps improve your agility.
editor’s note: one time I was trying to text someone while walking and I almost got sideswiped by a bicyclist. Not just someone pedaling around the city, but an actual speeding bicyclist. That would have left a mark…
I think of you every time I see someone walking & reading. I swear one day I will push the book into their face and say (probably in a quiet voice b/c that’s creepier) “see, that’s why you don’t walk and read”